How to prove all my points about sacred music

Step 1: Pick an assortment of all the “Catholic Classics” (aka Cheesy 70’s Junk) for Dad’s funeral.

Step 2: Don’t sing ANY of it yourself.

Step 3: Relate, in the eulogy, how “right about now on Sundays Dad always started talking about what he was going to get at Country Buffet.”

Step 4: Have approximately 10 other people at the funeral, none of whom sing anything either.


What I DON’T need 10 minutes before Mass

So, it’s 10 minutes before Mass and I give what seems to me to be a simple instruction. I got this¬†instead….

Cantors A, B, and C are going to sing the verses for Communion. Cantors A and B realize this, but Cantor C’s dog threw up so she just got here….

And I suddenly discover what no one happened to mention, that Cantor C (who is an amazing musician and can read anything on sight, but has a weaker, more “plain” voice) is intensely jealous of Cantor A (who has a gorgeous voice – if you want Broadway – but doesn’t read music that well. Oh, and Cantor A is the “official” cantor, and gets paid, while Cantors B and C don’t, but they don’t know A gets paid…complicated enough yet?).

Hence, this.

Ay yi yi….